And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
