Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize