Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
