only you would photoshop your dick
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
