You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
