I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
