woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
