I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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