you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
