8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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