I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
