theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
