Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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