then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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