just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.