my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
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OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
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I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks