4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
