what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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