At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He managed to rip my nipple last night....