I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
