She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
