Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
