yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
