Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
