dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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