is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
