You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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