Hey man sorry I got all grabby
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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