Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
