Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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