I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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