I think I won the penis lottery.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
