she woke up with a sticky ear
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
