I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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