dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
