Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
