I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
