Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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