i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
