How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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