I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
