He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
