can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
