im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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