So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
