for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
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The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
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She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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