soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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