before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
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