I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
