I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i believe in u and ur pee
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize