Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
