I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
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Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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