there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
