I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
