we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My dick has a subreddit
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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