I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
