Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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