p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
