the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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