there's paper in my vomit.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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