but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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