there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
