I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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