there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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