You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
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What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
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I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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