Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
