He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
