what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
