My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
