You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
