Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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