I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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