Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Randomize
