He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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