how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm bleeding and have questions
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
