Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
