i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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