I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
