if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Don't make out with my wife yet
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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