Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
