I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
