What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
