i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
