The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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