I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
