It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
