Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm at about main and main street
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
