Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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